Can You Keep a Secret: The True Story of a Young Woman's Adventures on the Undergound Sex Scene by Katie Collins & Carry Robert

Author:Katie Collins & Carry Robert
Language: eng
Format: azw3
ISBN: 9781908023629
Publisher: Y Books
Published: 2012-08-06T04:00:00+00:00

Although I had a fairly liberal policy regarding who I slept with, I did stick to one rule – I wouldn’t hook up with someone, even if they looked amazing, if I didn’t get on with them. I would spend weeks establishing what sort of person a guy was before committing to that first meeting. If I liked him and we were compatible in bed, then a repeat performance would always be on the cards. That said, the sheer volume of messages I would get (with accompanying photographs), meant I was able to cherry-pick the lookers.

The result of my screening process was that I often met men who were both strikingly handsome and easy to get on with. Even still, I never got close to any of them. It wasn’t what I wanted so regardless of how they felt about it, these relationships were never going to develop beyond the occasional hook-up. I tossed aside all the emotional baggage and I was free to enjoy the physical side of lots and lots of great sex. But as the guys came and went, I occasionally felt like something was missing. In my darker moments, I wondered about whether the couples I derided might have the right idea.

I had got to the point where I hardly differentiated between spending an afternoon playing video games with a guy over a joint and fucking him for the first time. Both had become nothing more than fun things you do with someone you like to hang out with. I wondered if there was something wrong with me. I felt almost inhuman, the way I could completely detach myself emotionally from sex. I thought, How can you have sex with so many people, but not feel anything with any of them? Surely someone should have triggered something in me by now? But I just felt nothing other than the physical. I had flicked a switch. When the day came that I wanted to be in a relationship again, would I be able to develop any kind of feeling or attachment? When these thoughts crept in, I would do my best to push them down and plough on. Sex with another drop-dead-gorgeous guy who knew exactly what he wanted in the bedroom would take my mind off the bigger questions.

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